Can't promise that things won't be broken
by bakusuki
Summary: Hilary starts to note changes within Kai before the Championships, and starts to question if Kai was ever as serious about her, as she was about him. Or was she just something to keep him occupied until he got a better offer? / Kai/Hilary fic. Based throughout the events of G Revolution.
1. Chapter 1

I've been wanting to write a Kai/Hilary fic for a long time, like a really long time, but for the life of I couldn't think of what to call it, or what it should be based on, but I finally got inspiration from Sleeping With Sirens song: If I'm James Dean, You're Audrey Hepburn, and focuses typically around the line as featured as the title for this.

 **Disclaimer:** _I do not own Beyblade, or anything to do with its creation, this involves its writing and screenplay, in fact, it involves anything to do with it, all rights belong to its creator, and that remains as so.I am claiming the writing and idea as mine - I didn't study English Literature and Language for nothing!_

If you don't like the pairing, or do not like Hilary's character, then do not read, but if you do decide to read, don't flame her character in the review section, because it will not be tolerated. As I say before writing, and what I will continue to say, your views and reviews mean the entire world to me, your comments honestly keep me going and keep me doing something that I enjoy. If you can leave a comment, that'll mean the entire world to me, but if you don't want too, or can't think of anything to say, that is perfectly fine. Thank you so much for reading this, I hope you enjoy this, as much as I enjoyed writing it. - Ellis.

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Meshed together like a jigsaw puzzle they've become, and she likes to imagine that she has become the very piece that he required, and in turn, completed him, in the very ways that he has completed her. Bodies are pressed tight, flush to one another - the intentions are harmless, innocent at best and she wishes only to protect him. To save him, and _never_ to deny him. She's settled within his lap, agile digits cast woven patterns across his naked spine, whilst the moonlight splinters the shape of his back, and ignites the beauty of his flesh right there; she wishes to savour his beauty. His pale flesh is a silk within the reflection of the midnight sky, dampened by the faint scent of sweat, an agony that dances amongst him, twined amongst frayed lines and caught within frantic fingers. Amongst him is the faint scent of orange, she assumes it's the new orange shampoo that she'd purchased, it's sweet and never too rich. She notes that there is a faint smell of cinnamon and freshly cleansed materials - a mix of washing tablets and powders. He smells sweet, despite this horror that etches itself onto him. His hands are curled into the material of her night gown, calloused digits savouring the silk between his digits, imprinting his mark upon them. They've been like this for the past twenty minutes, it's a ritual to Hilary, and something that has become akin to a routine to Kai.

His past hasn't had much colour - it's been a fury of blacks and greys and a notion of crimson, and she wishes only to colour him in the way that he has coloured her. For a year, Hilary has endured steady nights, and nights like this, and then there are nights where Kai's nightmares and combined fears escalate into something almost unbearable. There are steady nights, in which legs are tangled, entwined beneath sheets, and she can feel his crimson stare staining her flesh, and it feels glorious. During the steady, harmless nights, it is just them and there is a steady exchange of feather light breaths, a reminder that Kai is alive, and hearts beat together. Her fingers will dance amongst his forehead, guiding slate tinged strands of hair from his face, only to glide her fingers down his nose and idly over his cheeks - acknowledging the features that sunlight will chastise, but the moonlight sough only glory within him. The nights like this are either Hilary buried within his lap, petal plush kisses pressed to his jawline and his shoulder in the offer of calming him. Either that, or he lays with his back pressed tight to her, and her arms dance around his torso, and fingers glide across his shoulders. Then there are nights when Kai's entire frame rattles and quakes, and he chokes on hollow breaths - there is a fury that labels the blood red of his eyes, and Hilary despises watching him going to war with himself.

They've been like this for over a year - a year after the last championships to be precise. They've been between subtle touches and glances, faint smiles and acknowledgement - it seems like nothing to the others, and that's how Kai had asked for it. Something innocent and worth repairing caught between themselves and only themselves, something kept with the dark, and hidden within secret - until Kai was ready. At first it had been easy to maintain the notion of purely being friends in the eyes of the others, restricting themselves to glances and smiles, yes, it had been. Until it progressed into something more, and no one really could innocently kiss her cheeks or shoulders, or along the span of her back, in the way that he could. No one could place his fingers upon her hips in the way he does, and not mark her. No one could cherish the amber glow of freckles that decorate the span beneath her eyes - no one could, but then, no one else could be Kai. At first, it had been so easy, she assumed it was a lot easier for him, than it was her, and still, to this day, a year later, it serves almost as a second nature to him. She wanted to ask if they could say something, if they could tell the boys about them, Tyson might grill her for snatching his team captain from him, and she was rather certain that Rei was catching on, but she couldn't bring herself to ask it. She was certain that she'd felt the cold of Kai's tears settle amongst the crook of her neck, only to be soothed by the warmth of his breath, and occasionally he'd snuff back a small sob, and his fingers would tighten into the material of her night gown. She couldn't ask him now. He was vulnerable and he was broken, a collection of pieces held within her arms, and if she let go, she feared he'd truly fall apart. No. Tonight he needs her. He needs her like this.

Not to mention that the next tournament is coming up, Max and Rei had already vowed to return to China and America in the sake of competing against other teams for a chance to compete and even beat Tyson, and Hilary understood that. There was also Daichi and Kai to consider, and as far as Hilary was concerned, Kai had beaten Daichi and was Tyson's tag team partner - but something hadn't sat right about the matter for a long time. Never mind the fact that it was a tag team based competition, and that meant that if Max and Rei had even stayed, they would only be following within Kai and Tyson's shadows. It wasn't just that, it was the notion of Mr. Dickinson's idea to maintain safety amongst competitors that felt as if it was driving an undeniable force between Hilary and her friends... Something just didn't sit right, and she had noticed that Kai often sat longer within thought - as if fuelled by something that he simply cannot talk about. She finally raises her head from having been placed upon his shoulder, and finds herself allowing her fingers to dance from his spine to his shoulders, fingers dancing in and out, hazelnut hue dancing amongst him - and he's shielded by the slate colouring of his fringe.

"Kai?" Her voice is soft, a delightful hymn that dances amongst the treetops and allows blossoms to bloom within the early Spring. Her voice serves as a delicate Spring heat, a Spring morning that this has dew upon grass blades and rose petals. His attention shifts, and once again, she's met with the crimson of his stare, the sort that is written amongst the stars and is undeniably beautiful.

"What are you thinking about?" What is he thinking about? He's thinking about what plagues him, the cruel darkness that yearns to pull him over and he's afraid that he revealing his truths would be enough to keep even the most level-headed awake. Hilary has seen him as his most vulnerable, basking underneath a silk-like moon, and she's ran her fingers along him, in ways that he has come to crave; but he can never say too much.

" **Nothing.** "

"Nothing? You're not even thinking about the upcoming championships?" Groomed brows raise within the inquiry, hazelnut hue never once leaving him, but attempting to read him instead. The truth is, Hilary is more observant than people think, especially when it comes to Kai. He's unreadable to most, even by the standard of a blurb upon the back of a book, he can't be read, but Hilary can see right through him. She'd seen him within the qualifiers, they all had - that's when she'd had her suspicions, that something wasn't quite right. He'd stiffened during his match against Daichi, lacked in control and want to fight, never mind progress alongside Tyson. _Something hadn't been right ever since_.

"No." The truth is, his mind had been elsewhere, an overhearing of Daichi claiming that no matter what only one person can technically be claimed the champion, _or whatever his logic about it is_ , struck a nerve within Kai. It sent a blizzard running throughout him, sent him questioning the truths behind Daichi's claim - it probably was somewhat true. **There could only be one World Champion**. Hilary looks back towards him, and notes that Kai is almost squinting in suspicion at her. Perhaps she had been somewhat hinting, hoping he'd been thinking about them - was it too much to ask for? To be more than a secret? To hide her urges and want of grasping his hands? Is it too much to ask that she wants their friends to know, because going behind their backs are driving her crazy? She'll slip up at some point, or someone will notice that she stared too long at Kai, or someone will note the roses that he plucks, just to give them to her. Oh, she is fond of the little things that he does - _or at least, the little things he used to do_ \- but can't she be more than a secret? He used to do many little things, things that might mean very little to others, but to her come with such mean and affection, because Kai has never been a big gestures - unless he's beyblading. Ever since the announcement of the World Championship being altered to tag teams... He'd been different. The little gestures, the clipped roses he'd bring back because they reminded him of her, or the little walks around the park when the others where otherwise occupied? Or the early morning moments that had almost become like a ritual, where his fingers would glide across her flesh, and his mouth would praise her bare shoulders - _he stopped doing that_.

"You should probably sleep, Kai. Hiro wants you up early to commit to a new training schedule." The very mention of Hiro is enough to leave Kai tensing - there is something else to him, there has to be. If anything, Kai is more observant on matters and of people than others would give him credit for, and Kai honestly can't recall a time in which his hunch was anything than wrong. Hiro is also Tyson's brother, and Tyson appears smitten on the idea of having his older brother back with him, and that's understandable, Kai supposes, but it doesn't mean that he trusts Hiro. There's a silence that Kai creates, and within that silence comes the notion of delicate fingers weaving up her sides and across her shoulders, delicate and feather light, and the very crimson of his eyes, trail the very patterns that his fingers create - invisible trails that secure Kai's affections, not that he's all too sure if Hilary believes him, or not. He leans in, mouth pressed against her forehead momentarily before he pulls away from her completely. To her, it had seemed innocent, polite and pleasant enough to secure a goodnight between, and perhaps Hilary could talk to Kai tomorrow about her fears, but to Kai; _it was a goodbye, for now, for his mind had already been made up_.

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 **Small authors note:** _There is going to be a second chapter, maybe more - depending on inspiration and comments! I'll probably start on that tonight, or maybe tomorrow, or well, whenever I have the inspiration for it. But prepare yourself for the angst, because it is only going to go downhill from here. I'm terrible, I know._


	2. Chapter 2

Here's the second chapter that I promised. I promised it a lot sooner, but I am absolutely terrible, and I forgot that this fic even existed. I got reminded about it on Tumblr just yesterday. I got inspired by one line belonging to the song that this entire fic is inspired by, and I hope that you enjoy it.

 **Disclaimer:** _The disclaimers are always the same as before - I do not own Beyblade, nor am I claiming to have any rights to it's creation. All rights are reserved for it's creator. All I did was get inspired by a Sleeping With Sirens song, and boom, I just word vomited about one of my favourite pairings for Kai._

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 _I swear that I will never leave_. That's what he said. That is what he always said. He whispered it against her ear, marked her flesh with his promises. He'd whispered it into her hair, and pressed his lips against her fingers - sealing promises of the beyond. She awoken to the sun, gracefully peaking through blinds that hadn't been closed properly the night previous. She awakes to the glorious shine pressing down upon her flesh, a timid heat that tickles her nose and bare shoulders, and most importantly, she awakes to his scent. The scent of cinnamon and orange, a spiced body fragrance that she had yet to acquire its name - but he always smelt of it. She'd awoke to a bed that felt empty, and far too big for her, a bed that was once previously shared and suddenly she felt incredibly alone. She'd awoken to a side of the bed that felt untouched and cold, pillows that had bore no head, and sheets that hadn't been tangled around another's body. He never left within the morning until she'd woken up, it had been part of his promise, had it not? To never leave? Fingers grip at the quilt, and she forces the material against her chest as she refrains from cursing the boy. She shouldn't have put it past him, and she certainly shouldn't be angry at him either - Kai always woke up early, and earlier when there was a new training schedule in process. It surprised her a little that he'd want to wake up early to adhere to Hiro's schedule, when she was rather certain that not only would Kai already have a strict schedule of his own, but she was certain that there was a hint of tension shared between Kai and Hiro. She'd voiced her complaint to Kenny once, and he'd responded with that she was either over-analysing the matter more than what needed too, or that she was reading too much into Kai's behaviours, and that he never really got on with anyone. Hilary had wanted to be defensive, and remind him that she didn't observe Kai too much, but then she'd been certain that would seem far too defensive, and Kenny is exceptionally good at reading between the lines. She's reading too much into this, she knows that she is, and Kai is an enigma that can never settle, and never be read. She brings herself to sit up and survey the room around her - _her bedroom_ \- he usually came in through the window when she was certain that her parents were asleep, or the last light within the house had been switched off, and he was pretty good at getting away without making too much noise. Sometimes she stayed with him, and told her parents that she was staying at the dojo to help the boys in their training - **when she was really with Kai**.

His clothes were gone - that much was obvious. His jeans weren't thrown across her chair any more, and his t-shirt that had been placed carefully across them the night previous, had also gone. His scarf was nowhere in sight either, nor his jacket - most of the time, he'd leave his jacket behind for her, and she'd return it to him later that day when they met up again. Hazelnut hue dances towards her alarm clock - 7:47am - she'd agreed to setting an alarm, that way they could wake up together and leave together, but now she questions the time that he actually got up, and when did he leave? For that matter, did he actually sleep, or did he play to her wants and wait for her to sleep before he left? _Don't think like that Hilary, he's a good person, and he's yours. Isn't he?_ Hazel coloured eyes continue to survey the room, eyes dancing to the journal that tops the small box, the box that holds all the little keepsakes that Kai collected for her and brought back - wilted roses that had once been pure and fresh, and he'd clipped them thinking about her, or the little buttons that had come loose on one of his jackets after they'd tangled up and within her efforts to move, she'd pulled his jacket along... She dragged him to a photo booth once - those really small ones that are casually placed within amusements or shopping centres - he'd not really understood why until the camera had flashed, and Hilary had giggled at how serious Kai had looked within the moment, but then she'd buried her face into the crook of his neck and slung her arms over his shoulders declaring that she could live like this forever, and he'd kissed her forehead, promising that one day, _they'll live within the moment_.

She imagines that he an't have gone far, that he's probably training or he's already at Tyson's dojo in the efforts of persuading Tyson and Daichi out of their beds early enough to actually do something - and preferably before Hiro gets himself involved. Yes, that's where Kai will be. He's always maintaining the team captain attitude about him, maintaining a strong grip amongst his teammates and securing their drive to succeed. That's where he'll be - dragging his tag team partner away from his bed, so that they actually have a fighting chance within the next tournament. Hilary assumes it'll be the hardest tournament they've ever faced, with Max and Rei diverting to different teams, and with the newly renamed Blitzkrieg Boys returning for a chance within the spotlight? Of course it's going to be the most difficult tournament that they have ever participated within. Fingers reach for her side cupboard in the efforts of collecting up a hair band to tie her hair from her face, whilst she carries out her morning ritual of a well moisturised skin care routine. She must admit that it feels a little odd, strange and foreign to be stood before the mirror and not have Kai sat behind her, even stood behind her, whilst his hands dance towards her waist and his face buries into the back of her shoulder, and occasionally... Occasionally he has that look - that look of pure affection, that she's certain that she has been the only one to see - but it's delightful and soft, and it leaves a warm sensation dancing throughout her, because yes, Kai is hers, and she is his.

* * *

Two days. It had been two days since she'd last seen and heard from Kai. One the first day that she'd woken up without him there, she'd thought little on the matter, assuming he was training or with Tyson, but when she had reached the dojo, it had been Kenny who had inquired as to Kai's whereabouts, claiming that Hiro was intending on changing the schedule and going somewhere else to train - preferably somewhere, where it would offer a sense of peace and tranquillity, something to break them away from modern day havoc. Once again Hilary had almost been defensive - _why the heck should I know where Kai is?_ \- she'd simply shook her head, and responded that she had not heard from him. Daichi had questioned if Kai's disappearance meant that he'd have a shot to play as Tyson's tag team partner, and Tyson had bluntly stated, that not only had Kai given Daichi's ass a good thrashing, he'd only beaten Daichi, and if Tyson had to pick between Daichi and Kai? His heart had already chosen Kai. Tyson had later went on to claim that Kai's little disappearing act was nothing to worry about, because it was in character, and something that he'd always done - **he had yet to let them down**. That had been okay, and Hilary had accepted that, but day turns to night, and Hilary had sat cross legged in her favoured night gown, with the tale of Sherwood nestled between her thighs awaiting the same small knock that came almost every night - _it never came_. She'd even open the window and leaned out of the window in the hopes of seeing him coming towards her - _he never did_. Eventually she had to shut down the idea that he was never coming back, because her pride wouldn't allow her to think to deeply into the matter. Her pride wouldn't allow her to depend on someone else who had far too much pride in himself. Her pride wouldn't allow Kai's absence to bother her more than it already had, and in the end, she settled for reading the next chapter of her novel before placing it down.

She hadn't seen him the next day either, and it was starting to get ridiculous. It was ridiculous to her anyway, but Kenny and Tyson still went about what their usual, and Daichi remained anxious as to whether the spot would still be his, to which he had to be reprimanded by Hilary who reminded him: the spot was Kai's. Kai had deserved that spot after all, and he'd won it fair and square - that had only rattled Daichi more than what was necessary and he'd declared that if she continued talking in the same tone that she did, he'd tell Kai when he next saw him that Hilary had a crush on him. She almost told him to do it, it wouldn't anything, and that Kai already knew how Hilary felt about him... _He did know how she felt about him, right?_ Surely. He had asked a few times - _in his own way, he never went out of his way to straight up question her_ \- in moments of weakness, when he sough validation, and needed to know, she'd told him. She'd reminded him within the way that her fingers wove themselves through his hair, and how the tips of her digits craved to touch his flesh and trail invisible patterns that declared her affection for him, she reminded him within the way she saw galaxies within the crimson hue of his eyes, and she had reminded him when she'd pressed little kisses to whatever bare skin of his that she could get too. Or what about the way she'd woven her fingers between his and whispered ridiculous little tales against the shell of his ears, and how she had noticed that he shuddered beneath her control, and how he'd settled when her fingers travelled across the curve of his spine. He knew, right?

In response to Daichi's comment, she had simply argued and said that wasn't true, she was just speaking what the others refused to say, but also made the point of saying that just yesterday Tyson had said the exact thing that she had said, and Daichi's childish response had been: _well I'll Kai that he's got two admirers!_ Her exterior had been solid, and she'd almost wanted to throttle him for being so immature, but her interior had waved off the matter and chuckled at the thought of Daichi telling Kai that Tyson admired him. Of course, Tyson would decline to agree - but even Hilary knew.

Day two had been even worse. The night before Hilary had refused to wait up any longer for Kai, mostly because her pride wouldn't allow it, but also because if Kai really wanted to see her before they left for whatever new facility that Hiro had been raving about - he would come and see her. **He didn't**. Day two had come and Hilary hadn't seen Kai at the dojo and he certainly hadn't been there to board the bus when it had arrived. Once again, Kenny put it down to nothing, and had reassured them all that Kai was probably already there, or was making his own way there, either way, he would be there, and in a way, that soothed Hilary to an extent. Hiro hadn't been patient on the matter when it was anything concerned with Kai, and often attempted to change the topic, and even went about outlining the important changes to their fitness routine, and how he would have Tyson and co., ready before the tournament. Hilary had wanted to protest that it was rude and awful to just forget about Kai, and whilst he was absent, he was still a part of the team. Truth is, Hilary had hated the entire bus ride there - wherever it was - she had hated not knowing if Kai was actually going to be there, or if he was actually on his way there... How would he even get there? She'd hated that she hadn't seen him for two days, and that the last she saw of him, was when he was burying his face into the crook of her neck, and declaring that sometimes life in general was just too damn difficult, sometimes he felt like he was suffocating, or the grasp that his past had over him was too tight, and was threatening to pull him back under. Had she not done enough that night? Had she not done enough to protect him from the plagued thoughts that threatened to drown him? Had she not been enough to root him when he needed it the most? She'd done everything that she had usually done, and his lips had danced across the curve of her shoulders, and he'd whispered goodnight... _And_... Everything had been as it should have been.

She'd returned to her reality when she'd heard Tyson complaining - complaining that Kai wasn't here, and that once again, everything would have to be put on hold for him. She had thought that it was nothing at first, simply Tyson being his impatient self, that he'd really wanted to start training and she didn't understand why one: Tyson couldn't be more patient, and two: why couldn't he just start training on his own, if it bothered him so much? Did he also want Kai to hold his hand and change his bedding for him as well?

"He always does this. _Always_. I should have learned from our last tournaments - good old Kai, always showing up at last minute. Expecting everyone to wait for him. Never letting anyone know where he's going." Tyson had almost singsonged about the matter and in doing so had earned himself a stern look from Hilary, which sort of said: **give him time**.

"It isn't that he expects everyone to wait for him. _We just wait anyway_." Kenny announced. Hilary had noted how true that had truly become. He'd disappear for so long and then return whenever he wanted too, or whenever he was ready to be back within the company of his friends. He disappeared whenever he had an overload, when touching and talking became far too much for him, and he needed an escape, before he well and truly collapsed in upon himself; Hilary understood that, and never expected too much of him.

"Kai's not coming." Hiro's voice had been firm, matter of fact even, as if he was stating something that only he knew, and that others were incapable of knowing. He has spoken as if he had known Kai best, or as if there was something about Kai that Hilary didn't know, and excuse you - Hilary knew a lot about Kai. She knew his favourite foods, and he rarely ever snacked, in fact sometimes Hilary had to physically force Kai to eat something. She also knew the things that he disliked, and the little things that irritated him. She knows that he crinkles his nose within thought and she also knows-

" **Kai quit the team.** " _What?_


	3. Chapter 3

I got inspired by a bunch load of mushy playlists that I made the other day, so here, have another mushy chapter, for one of my favourite pairings for Kai. And yes, I feel a little bad about Kai just upping and leaving Hilary like that, and yes, there is going to be more angst, like a lot more angst, like so much more angst, because I am a sucker for hurting myself, so why not?

 **Disclaimer:** _As you already know (or at least you should know by now) I do not own Beyblade, nor am I claiming to have any rights to it's writing and creation - all rights are reserved for its creator. All I am is a sucker for a television show about spinning tops, and I'm also super weak for Kai and Hilary. With that being said, if you don't like the Kai/Hilary pairing, then do not read, and if you do decide to read it, don't flame the chapter within the reviews, because it'll probably go ignored._

Your views and reviews mean the entire world to me, and your showing of interest within this fic is what has made me decide to bust out a couple chapters, since to be honest, I was thinking about quitting the fic, or deleting it. So thank you so much for that. I hope you can hold out for more angst, and who knows? **Maybe a happy ending.** Not even I know if there is going to be one of those, yet. ;)

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 _Please stay, forever with me._ Her words ring loud and clear within him - igniting something within him, that he'd never noticed before. Perhaps she had been too naive in trusting him to stay, perhaps he'd been naive to believe that someone like himself could love another in the ways that Hilary had adored him. Perhaps he was cruel to promise that he would never leave, when his mind had already been made up, and he had left. He'd never meant for Hilary to step in too deep when it came to him, he'd never meant for her to get too close, nor for her to understand him in ways that not even he could understand himself. He'd never meant for her to touch him and reassure him, in ways that others could not. He'd let her in, almost guaranteed that she'd flee once she came to understand that Kai would never be the right person for her - she was worth so much more, so much more than he could dare to admit, and he could only dream in giving it to her. He'd allowed her in, thinking that his true colours would scare her, thinking that his lonesome and gruesome thoughts belonging to a frightened child would leave her disgusted by him - he'd let her in, and Hilary had stayed. She had become a part of him that he hated to admit that he adored, just like the moon adore the stars, or the way that the sun adores the moon - he hated to admit that she'd become a part of him that he favoured most of all.

Over the few years that Kai had allowed his friends to step into his reality and know him, he'd always kept the most disturbed and plagued parts of him well hidden, under wraps and out of sight, and the others came to understand him better than what they used too. They understood the way he thought, and he calculated situations before acted upon them, how he was already prepared and how he held himself highly, how he was constructed of blood, tissue and bone, and yet responded like a machine - but in truth, they never really did understand him. They didn't understand what plagued him, and why, nor how it threatened to take control and constantly pull him under... They'd never understand how he said so little, because in reality he was afraid of saying too much and driving his friends away, they never understood why he allowed himself to become so distant, because he was afraid of becoming too attached, just to lose something that brought him a sense of happiness - but Hilary had understood. Hilary had understood how a cloud of pitch black darkness hung above him like death, how it pierced his skin and left him itching to be free. She had understood that there were times when even he was afraid, when he was frightened of messing up, or simply not being enough. **Hilary had understood**. Hilary had always looked upon him with a kind hazelnut tinge, one that held a strict hue, and for her nature - _did he adore her_. She had always looked upon him with eyes that did not hold pity, not wold they chastise him, they held nothing but affection and understanding, they held a warmth and a kindness that only she could grace him with.

She had endured some of the toughest nights alongside him - nightmares that doomed him to the confined walls of abbey, the calls of the children who failed and yearned for another attempt, their lonesome cries had been a hymn to Boris, but they had been blood curdling screams to Kai. She had endured nights where he'd clung to her out of desperation, thick with sweat and fury, and never once had she forced him away in a moment of disgust. She had endured nights where Kai was silent and completely still, back pressed to her, with his fingers wrapped like fists in the material of the sheets, and she had been the calm that had washed up the span of his spine and promised that she wouldn't allow him to go under. She'd been the gentle breeze that had grazed bare shoulders, and her fingers had ran endless trails across his flesh, like he was a masterpiece, and she wasn't afraid to admire him. She'd endured the nights of his tears and quaking hands - a side to him that she had never imagined possible, but one that deemed him vulnerable and agile, and one wrong finger could him cracking and crumbling. She had also endured the nights where they just lay together, he tells her some ridiculous joke that he had overheard the boys saying - and honestly it's the most stupid joke he's ever heard - but she's smiling, and her face is buried into his chest, and her hands are dancing around the curves of his forearms. She'll endure nights where they make promises, one's that spoken, and one's that are silent, kisses that are pressed in sacred areas, and her body is the holy tomb and he is the one to worship her. Hilary had endured so much, put up with so much, she'd been naive enough to believe that Kai would always be hers, and he, in turn had been naive enough to think the same - _and this is how he repaid her_.

But his thoughts betray him, and he finds that it's the voice of Tala that breaks him from what seemed an almost eternal silence. The redhead is stood aside of him, arms that had been pressed tight to his chest, soon fall slack, and he uses his elbows to lean against the balcony wall. This was the most human side of Tala, the side that broke about from the robotic ties that Boris had attempted to embed within him, the side that had been cracked, crushed and bruised, bullied into being a being of utter perfection and power - this was the most human side of Tala. The side that allowed the redhead to lose all sense of his stiffened posture, the side that had allowed him to remove his jacket - the side that had allowed him to remove layers, and be human, around Kai.

"Are you ready to take on your friends?" His inquiry is somewhat flat, but Kai notes the concern that has woven between the lines. The concern rings out to him, and brings him to open his eyes, a flash of crimson dancing upon the side of the redheads face. He supposed that he could understand the concern - to some extent. Kai had left his previous team mate in the efforts of securing a place alongside Tala - _when Tala would rather have fought solo_ \- just so Kai could stand a fighting chance at beating Tyson. The concern was more: would Kai give it his everything when he came up against Max and Rei, before he'd even gotten to Tyson? The answer was, yes. He'd give his everything and more, destroy the stadium, and bring all who doubted him to his knees if meant securing a place against Tyson.

"Friends? We were teammates for long enough. But that's it." Kai responds, and inwardly does he wince. Max? Rei? Tyson? Kenny? They were not just his teammates at one point, they were his friends, his best friends, and in some ways, **they were his family**. Tyson and his Grandfather had offered out his home to Kai on numerous occasions when it had been clear that Kai had nowhere else to go - Tyson hadn't even thought twice about offering Kai a place to stay. He'd offered him warmth, shelter, food, and most importantly? He'd offered him friendship and mutual understanding. Max had always looked at Kai like a little brother would look upon his older brother, with pure admiration and love; he'd supported Kai when no one else would have fought his side. Kenny had been the fair voice of reason that had asked for the others to be gentle with Kai, even when he was being difficult. He'd fixed his beyblade on numerous occasions, updated systems and enhanced battle techniques, and why? Because Kai was his teammate, but most importantly? Kai had been his friend. Rei had shared a mutual understanding with Kai, perhaps because they were the oldest of the group, but Rei had been more understanding to Kai's rhythm and the way that he works, he'd been defensive when others were quick to attack Kai, he'd been there in ways that Kai could only imagine to be there for someone.

"Just teammates. _That's all they were?_ You've been with them for so long, Kai." Even Tala was becoming better at reading Kai, than Kai was. That much was true. There was so much more to this, than just teammates. But it wasn't facing them that phased Kai - he could do go against them, and bring Gods to their knees. He could have a one track mind, and turn off all his emotions and feelings when it came to them, it was _her_ that he didn't wish to face. The girl who reminded him of a blooming rose, swaying idly within the Spring breeze. The girl who reminded him of a Spring morning, with kisses that tasted saccharine sweet, the girl whose voice reminded him of a songbirds hymn, and a doves dance. How could he look upon her, knowing that inside he was yearning for her? How could he look upon her knowing that he had made countless promises, and vowed in hushed kisses that he was hers, and only hers? How could he do that, knowing that'd betrayed her, like this? "Can you put aside emotions and fight them head on? I need to know you won't let me down, Kai."

"I'll bring them to their knees if I have too." Now that's what Tala wanted to hear - Kai's strong will to destroy anything and anyone with the means of getting exactly what he wants. He notes the faint smirk that dances between the mouth of the redhead, the look that is all too common between, a look often shared because they know more than they let on. This is what Tala wanted. To unlock the monster that lurks beneath the flesh of Kai, the monster that feeds upon his greatness and threatens to dare any pillar and post that threaten his position. Kai notes the blue of the Captain's eyes hanging over him, and Kai suppresses a thoughtful look to allow himself to glare back down towards his feet. His back presses against the balcony, arms mimicking Tala's previous body language - arms thrust tight against him, securing this notion of keeping himself together. "You didn't think I had it in me?" There's a taunt within the tone of his voice, a dangerous way in which the words roll from his tongue.

"You never cease to surprise me. How far are you willing to go - just to win?"

He'd like to say far enough, but he isn't quite sure if that will ever be enough. The tournaments are dawning upon them, faster than Kai had anticipated - he thought that he would have had more time. More time to fix himself, more time to fix what he had with Hilary, more time to fix _this_ , whatever this was. He'd like to say that he'd go far enough, but he can't promise on the matter. How far can he really go in the sake of securing his victory, if doting eyes glance towards the brunette? The brunette who fits like a jigsaw piece, and somewhat completes the puzzle that has been his life... Maybe she might understand, maybe she may understand why Kai did this, why he had to do this. Or maybe they were never meant to be? Perhaps she was something to clench his fears, someone who could chase them away until a better offer stood before him. **Tala had been that better offer**. The offer that secured him a sense of power and control, a chance at victory, and it was going to be his.

"How much does this Championship mean to you, Tala?"

Tala hadn't expected the question, then again, already he hadn't expected a lot, but he found that his brows are furrowing at the very thought of the question that had been posed. How much did this Championship mean to him? As much as it meant to Kai? Or more than it could ever mean to Kai? Tala pulled back from his previous position, in aid of straightening his spine, and attempting to look Kai within the eyes; which was proving difficult to do, since Kai had his chin tucked against his chest.

"Enough. It means enough." Tala responds.

" _Then, I'll crush whoever I need too._ "


	4. Chapter 4

I told you that it was only going to get that bit more angstier. Most of the fic is probably going to be from Hilary's point of view, but there will be chapters (such as the previous) that will focus on Kai and his own thoughts on the matter. Like I've said from the beginning, this is a Kai/Hilary, there are no other pairings within this fic, there's not even a potential chance for Tala/Kai - which I've had a few people message me about - **if you want to read Tala/Kai fics, go look somewhere else**.

 **Disclaimer:** _I do not own Beyblade, nor am I claiming to have any rights to it's writing and creation - all rights are reserved for it's creator. All I am, is a complete nerd that absolutely adores a show about spinning tops, and enjoys writing about his trashy children. ;) The idea is mine, but has been influenced by a Sleeping With Siren's song, just because I'm mushy, and hey, let's have mush. Haha._

As I always say, and will continue to say: **your views and reviews mean a lot to me**. I'm a little uncertain as to whether this will be a fic that is continued or if it's going to be left as it is - _probably because I feel like I am the only one enjoying this_ , but whatever. If you like/enjoy this so far, let me know, or something. Your reviews are so important to me, but never feel pressured to leave anything. I love you regardless. Thank you for taking the time to read this. - Ellis.

* * *

 _They say that love is forever_. And they lied. **Or he lied**. Maybe wires had been crossed and Hiro was being somewhat cruel - she'd noted the tension between him and Kai, and it had been made clear by Kai that he had taken a strong disliking to Hiro. At first, she thought that she'd been reading too much into it, attempting to make sense out of something that was so obvious, attempting to make excuses for Kai and methods to his madness, and that there had been a misunderstanding between Hiro and Kai, and that Hiro must had heard Kai wrong. She couldn't believe it. Kai wouldn't do that. He wouldn't do that to Tyson. He wouldn't do that to her... _Would he?_ Hiro had declared that Kai had quit the team upon his own accord, and said nothing else on the matter, though Hilary assumed that was actually all that Hiro knew of Kai's situation, and Tyson had declared Hiro was a liar and had attempted to nudge his brother in the direction of playing a cruel trick, that actually wasn't as funny as they had first claimed it to be. He'd soon realised that Hiro actually wasn't holding back, and in a moment of childish fury, and betrayal, he'd mimicked Kai in the most horrendous of manners, and for a split second Hilary thanked her lucky stars that Kai actually hadn't been there to hear him, whilst also attempting to hold herself back from slipping his fingers around Tyson's throat and draining the childishness from him.

Hilary finally put it down to Kai's heart no longer being within the game, explaining how Kai had lacked the enthusiasm when he had beaten Daichi, and Kenny had commented just how out of character Kai's actions had been. Kai had always been enthusiastic made he battled - he was powerful and graceful, brutal and yet strangely elegant; no matter what he did. Against Daichi, he'd appeared broken and detached from the matter, lost within translation, and Hilary hadn't able to translate him. He'd been unreadable, and out of touch, constantly creating an aspect of distance between himself and the others, and Hilary claimed that Kai's heart probably hadn't been in the game since the events of the last Championships, when Zeo had snatched the most precious thing from Kai. _His Dranzer_. He'd contemplated quitting, vowing that he hadn't been good enough to protect _his_ Dranzer, uttered in exhausted cries that it would be easier for him to let go, than to cling onto a game that does not require him. Hilary hadn't pitied him, but the concern had been there. She'd felt as if she had been watching a dying boy, and his very skeleton rattled within the fear of letting go. Eventually, Hiro claimed that excuses could not be made for Kai, and there was no valid reason for him simply leaving, and Hilary was left with her inner demons wishing to form her argument.

Everything about them had been pure and innocent, right from the beginning. Right from the start, it had been well conducted and careful, and in some cases handled with care and an immaculate sense of affection. They'd been a part of one of another, together in every sense of the world, for over a year, and somehow they'd managed their secret nights, and delicate whispers, somehow Kai had managed to get under her skin, and he wasn't planning on leaving any time soon. She recalled the many of moments in which her fingers would trace alongside his side in a moment of reassurance, and his breath would innocently hitch, and his stomach would sink inwards unconsciously, and his breath would dance amongst the span of her shoulder - sweet and short huffs of breath that lingered, and refused to be dismissed. She recalled how once she'd placed her head within his lap, whilst his fingers dance amongst the hazelnut strands that spread so eagerly. He'd swap a few idle jokes, some more ridiculous - so ridiculous in fact, that they were actually funny - and she always laughed. She told him her dreams once, how she wanted to study abroad - maybe London - and earn herself a degree within nursing, and later become a doctor. She'd spoken about how Tyson had declared that she'd fit being a doctor, because then she could lecture people on what was best for them, whilst Kai had silenced her worries, and spoken about how he'd always been interested in mathematics and English literature, and that he too wouldn't mind studying away from Japan. She'd learnt that he was a keen artist and topped his art class back at school - he often knew portraits, and claimed that he'd like to draw her one day, and he'd learnt that Hilary was keen on space, and knew the meaning of the stars and planets aligning. He'd also learnt names of some of the constellations that prior to this, he would have ignored. And she discovered that he really was keen on artists, and spoke highly of few that were not well known to the rest of the industry. She learnt new techniques on drawing and shading, and she spoke about the places that she'd most like to visit in the world. She'd commented that she'd quite like to see Russia one day, and Kai had reminded her that it was incredibly cold, and had even spoken about the first time he returned to Russia, alongside the Blade Breakers, and how Tyson hadn't realised just how cold Moscow actually was. _I'll take you, one day_. He'd said, and she saw that as a promise. He discovered that Hilary really enjoyed reading, and Wuthering Heights was a known favourite, and he'd admitted that he'd never heard of the book, but was intending on giving it a read. He read poetry to her, and explained to her about the confusion of one of William Blake's poetry pieces, and Hilary had found it endearing to simply listen to him.

He spoke, and she listened, she learnt that Kai was passionate about other things that were not blading, and that he was incredibly intelligent, more so than what he let on. He'd listened and found that the idea of space and nature had never been more interesting to him, and her voice came as a gentle whisper, and a careless hymn - a soft sound that was ever so delightful-

" _Hilary._ " Brown eyes open, and Hilary finds that she had been lost within the one thing that felt as if she didn't have any more. The boy who was intoxicating, and complex - where the heck was he? She'd zoned out to the point, where she'd dropped her head into her chest, and stopped within the digging of her spoon, only to idly place it against the side of her bowl. Tyson had spoken about the morning routine that Hiro had planned and set for them - it was extremely strict - and Tyson had attempted to get a response from Hilary. She'd offered only silence, not even the raise of her head to acknowledge his existence, and even when he had announced that he'd simply slack off rather than doing anything - she hadn't responded. Kenny had frowned, and maybe assumed that she hadn't slept well the night previous, which actually, coming to think of, was most out of character for Hilary. Her eyes search the faces of her friends, Kenny holds an expression of concern as he pours himself a glass of orange juice, Tyson is glaring at her mid a full mouth, and Daichi is gnawing away at a piece of toast, and Hiro is stood behind them - eyes focused entirely on her.

"Are you okay?" Was she okay? **Clearly not**. She was angry and confused, and... Ridiculous memories were more pleasant than dealing with today, and if one more person actually asked her today, if she was okay or not, she might actually just blow her top, and reveal all of her secrets - _their secrets_. Gods, she was so angry with Kai - angry probably wasn't even the word to describe how she felt at the moment - but it was enough. She was angry that he could just disappear like this, as if the last year that they'd shared together had been absolutely nothing - _it had been something, hadn't it?_ Or had it just been something that would preoccupy him, until he received a better offer? No. Kai wasn't like that. Kai was honest, but secretive at times, but in the end, he revealed all of his secrets to her. Kai had tender hands and a warm smile, and she had often felt his smile when he'd buried his face into the crook of her neck, or where he'd kisses along her shoulders. In this moment, she felt secure within her anger to out him and their relationship, but in the end, she knew that she couldn't do that to him - she couldn't. She wouldn't be able to forgive herself if she betrayed him in such a way.

"I'm fine. I was just thinking about the tournament - that's all. It's going to be strange going up against Max and Rei." Good save. She thinks that she's saved herself, and saved Kai the agony.

"Max and Rei knew what they were doing when they decided to switch teams." Hiro comments, and honestly? Must he just disregard everything with a mere waving of his hand? At least he talks somewhat highly of Max and Rei in comparison to what he does about Kai - with Kai there's a heaviness, there's a dulled excuse to be anything but enthusiastic. She provides the faint glow of her smile, before steadily reminding Hiro that Max, Rei and Kai are their friends, and whatever reason they had for joining other teams, or quitting, _should be respected_ , and then excusing herself from the room.

She hates to imagine where he is and what he is doing, and whether he's okay, does he need her? Or is he over her? That's a cruel way to think of him, and yet he isn't here to prevent such fears from escalating. He'd left without a second thought, maybe even a second glance, and it was through Hiro that Hilary had to find out that Kai wasn't coming along? Perhaps, the endless nights of torment and anguish for Kai, had finally led to his fall from grace, and she wonders as to where he's landed. Her fears only spiral when she questions if Kai had ever been okay, or if he'd done something that was incredibly reckless - he always did push himself to limit, and he always did prefer to exceed new limits, to the point of pure exhaustion. Surely Kai wasn't that reckless, nor out of control. Tyson and Daichi were reckless, and placing two reckless minds on the same team, was begging for trouble. She recalled that Daichi had seemed overjoyed with the news of Kai leaving the team - after getting over his momentary shock, because _apparently_ , the great Kai Hiwatari doesn't quit anything. Tyson, at first has objected to acknowledging Daichi as his tag team partner, driven by the idea that he hadn't heard Kai say that he was quitting to his face, and that Hiro's word clearly wasn't good enough. A day later and Tyson had finally acknowledged that Kai really wasn't coming back, and there was no point holding onto something that he couldn't claim any more.

Hilary had faced their first training session together with a hint of sadness, and had tucked herself under one of the trees as she watched Hiro put Kenny through his paces of earning the perfect launch, whilst Tyson and Daichi ran laps, because apparently physical fitness was vital to maintaining a healthy mind. Hazelnut hue ran upon them, they seemed so... So content with the matter. Kai had known them the longest, they were his best friends after all, and yet, Hilary is the one whom feels as if the span of her throat is closing in upon itself, she carries the weight and misses the idea of stoic blader stood before her, Dranzer within his hand, and a ridiculous and oddly witty smirk decorating the pale flesh of his features. How could they seem as if nothing had happened, and yet Hilary feels like she's drowning. Perhaps she had been drowning for a long time, and never really understood the pain that Kai would burden her with. She does continue to question his whereabouts - in he still in Japan? Or did he return home to Russia to get away from the madness of the tournament? Or is he just so out of touch with the game that it mattered little to him as to where he ended up? But one thing his disappearance, and ignorance to informing her, left her with, was: _whether she'd been enough? Had this been something that had been as real to Kai, as it had been to her? Or had he sought her out in his moment weakness, out of pure ignorance? Or had she simply been what Kai required to quench a thirst, until he got a better off?_ Kai wasn't like that, surely? He'd hated the attention that he'd received from female fans, hated the attention that he got at school, when curious groups had posed him with the question to see Dranzer up front. He often shied from touch, and displayed signs of sheer distress when even his friends had touched him, but with her... With her, her touch could have made his soar. **Surely, she had been enough**.


End file.
